Please read p 48 & p 49.
Reflect on whether you have a passive approach to getting your needs met or an active. From:
"world as coming towards 'the infant', fulfilling its needs.......'or'...being actively involved and in control of this process."
Please give 3 real examples of either
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This one really struck me- being bottle fed and having my parents in turmoil- I was not in control- I was waiting for love and nourishment. Intersting concept and I find that I need to investigate some of my life along the way- was I waiting for the world to come to me? Probably.
ReplyDeleteI tend to have a very active approach to life because I believe that, in our world today, it is smart to rely on our actions and ourselves and to not wait for others to act in our place. There are instances though where I tend to be more passive.
ReplyDelete1) In regards to my classes, I tend to ask a multitude of questions so as to quell the anxiety that comes along with my feelings of ignorance. Personally, without this active curiosity, I don't learn as effectively, and I don't leave the class as enlightened as I should be.
2) In terms of meeting new people, I usually have an active approach. I tend to introduce myself to as many people as I can because I find a great fascination with people's individuality. While I reach out to friends, I usually am more passive when it comes to interacting with people I am attracted to.
3) While I wish I had an active approach to expressing my emotions, I usually find myself bottling up my pain/stress until it makes me physically sick. On the other hand, I can't help but be active and expressive when I'm relating to happier emotions.
I found this one very interesting because I was not bottle fed as a baby and I think that possibly gave me a less passive outlook on life.
ReplyDelete1. When challenges arise in my life I tend to approach them head on with a full charge. I try to tackle them before they become to unruly.
2. I have noticed that when I get into a disagreement with a friend and it turns into a fight I am most often the first one to confront the issue and put it behind us.
3. I believe that I get to know people quickly and with ease, but when it comes to developing that new found relationship any further I can become passive. I want to see that they are going to make an even effort to mine, so that I know that it will be a reciprocal relationship. Due to this I only have a few very close friends.
A couple of weeks ago I was feeling a stuck sensation into my throat; I tried to feel into this sensation and accentuate it. What came to the surface was an expression of the wave-like mouthing pattern that Hartley describes in the book, except that it was getting interrupted in my throat and neck. It seems, as Hartley suggests, that this blockage in my throat is a reflection of a disempowered mode of asserting my needs in the world through my voice. This certainly resonates with my experience; I feel that I rely much more on my body language and action than my words, to assert myself.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting question. Identifying my needs and knowing that they are valid is still semi-new to me. For most of my life I was taught that all of my needs were not worthy. Being able to articulate my needs has been quite empowering, even if they aren't able to be met. Through voicing my needs or deliberately putting the intention towards creating change in my life, I am actively in control of this process. Although as I write this I am aware of how often I still suppress my needs when with a friend or in a small group. My conscious awareness around this issue is an active attempt to internally create change in order to get this need met.
ReplyDeleteI feel that I can be either passive and more forward, depending on the need.
ReplyDeleteI am not afraid to stop and ask for directions or ask for help in a retail situation
In settings that are unique or that I am really unfamiliar with (formal, team sporting events) I will sometimes just mill around and feel too insignificant to ask for help or direction.
In a close platonic relationship I mostly make my needs known verbally in some way. Sometimes in a romantic relationship I can be more passive, which can morph into passive aggressiveness if not noticed. I really dislike that and have been trying to be more direct in my current situation.
I feel like I am constantly actively bringing the world towards me. Sometimes I do this obsessively. I will involve myself in situations and relationships to later discover I don't have room for them in my life. I feel I am constantly testing out everthing then detatching myself from that which is not the most useful. This strategy is useful in discovering my options but it drains me of energy and makes me noncommital. I also have noticed I am anxious when I try to sit still with what I already have. I am always looking for a more glorified option.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm pretty active towards getting my needs met, though whether I meet them appropriately is a different situation (eating for fulfilling emotions, showering for getting touch sensation, etc.). But I find that I'll procrasitnate on getting things I 'need' (example: an I-pod. I've been thinking about getting one for a long time...) until I absolutely need them (I needed it for a class project this break) and then I go out and get them decisively. (I think I learned this from my Dad. He always says, "Oh, I'll get it tomorrow." One day my Mom and I came home and he had bought a new fridge. My mom was a bit thrown off-- quite an economic investment-- and my dad just said, "Well. Tomorrow was today.")
ReplyDeleteI feel like my education at Fairhaven is a bit like this, too. I'm figuring out as I go along what I need, and then take that class or build that ISP. I act decicively, and trust that if I intuit that I need a class that I'll be able to verbalize the rationale eventually. I'm learning how to GET the information I need, contact the resources and people to help me, and process it all together because it is a fulfillment of a need.
It's interesting tracking what I fulfill that isn't a directly corresponding need (I mentioned a few above). Sometimes I heat water for tea but don't drink it. Although I feel guilty for wasting the electricity, I also get the calming effect of the ritual. But being aware of my actions also helps me track my needs-- if my actions aren't logical, then I can use the situation as a tool to work backwards into understanding my layers, my armoring against my logical mind and understanding why I protect myself from myself.
I feel like I am a combination of passive and active. I suppose the real issue here is that I am confused about what my needs actually are. There have been several periods of time in my life where I attempted to cut out as much of my "wants" as I possibly could and only focus on the true "needs" which was often simply food and shelter. It is so difficult to discern needs from obsessive wants and perceived needs. Sometimes the perceived needs take precedence over the true needs, as is the case in the global community. I would like to be more active in both my wants and needs and I would like to cultivate a little more confidence in order to allow myself the things I want and believe that I am worthy.
ReplyDeleteI think I used to be very good at determining what I needed and what I wanted, and then going about getting them. I used to be very active, and this is part of the reason I've had so much distress about my passive demeanor recently. I don't feel like I'm getting what I want or what I need out of life, and it's making me crazy because I used to be so content, always going after what I wanted/needed without questioning it or second guessing myself. I'm re-learning how to actively assert my needs and wants (first to myself...and believing myself), and then taking steps to getting those things. I'm realizing I can't sit around and expect things to come to me...I need to wake up:)
ReplyDelete